


Ethan and Mason: the College AU

by spaceygays



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-10 10:24:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 17,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7841131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceygays/pseuds/spaceygays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ethan Hale and Mason Wilkinson are two art majors at their university. Through each other, they discover more about themselves that they had never known before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is a story about my OCs! it's an AU, but you don't need to know their canon storyline in order to enjoy it haha. for art of them, check out my twitter @_spaceygays <3 ty!!

_Mason_

Walking slowly down the empty hall, I gaze at all of the giant photographs displayed. With every one, I feel more and more nervous. These are beautiful! How am I supposed to make anything even slightly as good as any of these? My mind is anxious, and I clutch the strap of my backpack as I stop in front of one photograph in particular.

A bird. A little parakeet. Something about this photo just grabs me. Maybe it’s how colorful it is compared to all the melancholy black and white portraits and landscapes. Maybe it’s just how cute this bird is. I let out a sigh and stare down the photo a bit longer. I read the name displayed underneath: Ethan Hale, senior. 

Something about that name sounds familiar, but I don’t know what. 

My phone dings and shocks me back to reality. I pull it out of my pocket, skimming over a giant text from Alicia about what she wants to do tonight. I heave another heavy sigh, stuff my phone in my pocket, and head back to my dorm. I take a quick look at that photograph one more time before I leave.

\--

“Let’s go out tonight!” Alicia chimes loudly, grasping my arm.

Alicia Viano is my... well, how do I put it? We have a complicated relationship. We met here in college our freshman year when we lived on the same floor. Although we never really dated, we were always attracted to each other and eventually got into some weird, open relationship. She's a pretty girl, petite with big green eyes and long blonde hair. But her personality is another story. A lot of the times when we hang out, we end up fucking. That’s all she really wants to do nowadays, and it _is_ kind of strange for me when I remember she fucks other people, too. But I try not to let it bother me; I just want her to be happy. I’ve slept with some other girls once or twice, but Alicia doesn’t like hearing about it, even if she’ll blatantly show off all of the guys she’s been with. I end up usually just not telling her if I’m with another girl. Don't ask, don't tell, right? Whatever.

It’s worse to her if I’m with a guy. I’m bisexual, and though I’ve never really slept with a guy before, I’ve slept over with a few and ended up making out and getting a little touchy. Nothing too extreme, but Alicia hates the fact that I do stuff with guys. I never ever tell her about any guy I hook up with.

On most weekends, Alicia likes to go out by herself. I get the whole play by play of it on her Snapchat story, and I’ll just hurriedly tap through it so I don’t have to watch her drunkenly take selfies with several different guys. Most weekends, I’m by myself. I don’t mind too much, actually. I’m an art student. I have a lot of projects to work on, and so most of my free time is spent painting or sketching.

My roommate is a friend I met last year, but he goes home almost every weekend so I have the room to myself. I know a lot of juniors end up getting apartments, but I just decided I’d rather live in a dorm my first three years, maybe get a small apartment my last year.. I don’t know. I haven’t figured it out yet.

Anyway, I usually end up alone, and that usually means art supplies all over the entire room. But tonight, Alicia has been getting a little clingy, supposedly jealous since we haven’t been with each other in a while. At least that's what I think. We’re sitting on her bed in her apartment, and I can hear her two roommates in the other room screeching about something. I try to tune it out.

“I don’t really have anything in mind. Did you?” I admit, knowing that if we just stay in tonight, we’ll end up fucking. I guess even if we go out, we’ll end up fucking, too… I’m not really in the mood. Maybe being drunk would make it a little better.

Ugh. That's terrible to think.

Alicia rambles on about this club that she wants to go to (she finally turned 21 and wants to officially get into club without the use of a fake ID) and I sit there idly trying to listen. All I can think about is my stupid photography class. I put off taking it because, honestly, I suck at photography. I can make anything with a pencil and some paint, but give me a camera and I’m clueless. Yet somehow, everyone else just seems to be so good with photography. I don’t know, maybe I can ask one of the other students for help or something.

“Mason? Mason, are you even listening to me?” Alicia whines, tugging at my arm and making me look at her. “I swear, you’re in your own world half the time.”

“Oh, sorry, I’m just…really dreading this class I’m taking,” I try to explain and laugh a little, “I’m not—“

“So do you wanna go out or not? Come on, Mason, just answer me,” she interrupts. I press my lips together tightly and sigh through my nose. She never listens to me either.

I end up shrugging. I really don't want to. “Sure, that sounds fun. Is anyone else going?”

Why did I even ask? Alicia goes off on a tangent about who’s going and who’s not going and who _was_ going but they’re not anymore because they’re a bitch or something, and I can’t even get myself to pay attention to this. I'm so frustrated.

A lot of people, including my younger sister, constantly ask why I’m still in this weird thing with Alicia. I don't really ever know how to answer. I guess when it comes down to it…I can’t get myself to officially end things. Sometimes we have fun together, but that’s only when we’re both drunk. I know it sounds stupid, but I’ve known her for so long that it feels like I can’t just stop seeing her. I can’t hurt her feelings, and I feel like maybe I’d be too alone without her. I have a couple friends, but like I said, they’re either gone or with other people I don’t know during the weekends. She’s really the only other person I have..

After finally deciding what to do, Alicia and her friends spend the next two hours trying to get ready. I’m almost passed out on the couch by the time they’re ready to go, and I have to force myself to try and not be so tired and down. I just tell myself that I just have to last until I get drunk and I’ll be okay. What a terrible thought.

It’s nice out, and the place isn’t too far, so we all walk there. Alicia doesn’t stop letting us all know that she’s 21 now…it’s kind of embarrassing but we all just laugh along. When we get there, I almost immediately lose her. She runs off with her friends to go get drinks, and I make myself go follow. We’re all already a little tipsy from doing some shots in her apartment before we left, but judging by what she’s ordering, she’s determined to not even remember tonight.

Most of the time, I don’t mind drinking and having some fun. But for some reason, I just can’t get myself to feel it. I still try, though, but the whole night, my mind is elsewhere. I drink bit, dance with Alicia in a crowd of people for a while, but the second I leave to use the bathroom, she’s in the arms of some other guy. I’m not surprised. What _is_ surprising though is that it’s already been several hours since we’ve been here. I start to realize that I’m already sobering up, and I sit down at the bar and get a glass of water.

I’m...I'm not having fun. I was trying. I really was! But I just…can’t tonight. I hold my head in one hand and try to think of something other than Alicia going home with some random dude tonight. My chest aches, and I feel a lump forming in my throat. Suddenly, I feel a hand on my shoulder. It startles me, and I look over to see this guy on the bar stool next to me.

I freeze up when he smiles at me. Messy black hair and pretty eyes, with a mole under the left one that catches my attention. He’s cute, that’s for sure. He’s in a crop top with black skinny jeans on, and he’s clearly wasted. If I was drunk, maybe I’d be going home with _him_ tonight.

“Hey, handsome, you alright?” he drunkenly asks, still smiling at me.

I'm a little thrown off by the sudden exchange. “I’m.. Yeah, I’m fine,” I say back, doing my best to smile back at him.

“Do you wanna dance?” he asks, his grin dazzling and ever-present. I stare at him for a second, but shake my head.

“No, thanks,” I say apologetically, “I think I’m just going to go home.”

He shrugs at me and laughs, “Suit yourself!” He takes a sip of his drink and gives me a little wave before he disappears. Well, at least I got hit on. I smile to myself, then push myself up from the stool. I have to get out of here. I turn back to the dance floor. I can’t find that guy, and I don’t know where Alicia ran off to. I pull my phone out of my pocket. 2AM.

I head out, and I don’t bother telling Alicia.

In the morning, I wake up to a Snapchat from Alicia of her and the guy she went home with last night. My stomach hurts.

\--

I'm not a huge coffee drinker, but something about being in a little café makes doing homework a lot easier. I have to edit this set of ugly photos I took, and if I sit alone in my room while doing so I’ll go crazy.. I get in line to order, eyes widening as I notice who’s behind the counter. That boy from the bar a few days ago. No way.

His uniform is very contrasting with his bar outfit of skinny jeans, combat boots and a loose crop top. He almost looks like a different person. But that’s him, I know it’s him. It's _gotta_ be him.

When it’s my turn, he gives me a required employee smile, and after I tell him what I want, he stops me.

“Hey, have I seen you somewhere before?” he asks, a genuine, curious smile on his face now.

Yeah, you drunkenly hit on me at a bar.

“No, I don’t think so,” I say, sheepishly smiling back. I notice he doesn’t have a name tag on.

“You’re an art student here, right?” he asks, and unfortunately no one else is in line so I can’t escape. I nod, gripping the strap of my backpack a little tighter. “I knew it. I’ve probably seen you around the visual arts building.”

“Probably,” I nervously laugh. Something about him is just so intimidating. He’s cute, though, a lot cuter in this café light than the flashing lights of the bar. I notice his eyes are a stunning hazel color, big and full of curiosity. Dammit. He’s _definitely_ cute, and I want to run away before I say something stupid and awkward.

He takes my name for my order and after I get my coffee, I sit at one of the couches they have in here. Many other students are in here, shut off to everything else as they work on whatever assignment they have. I think about how I’d rather do math problems than edit these photos. Well, I'm not _that_ desperate, but you get the point. After I get my drink I sit back down and use all my strength to focus.

I’m not sure how much time goes by as I stare at the laptop screen and try to figure out Photoshop. I’m not good with any type of digital art. Without a pencil or a brush in my hand, I feel vulnerable. I’m getting so frustrated; this shouldn’t take this long, but I have no idea what I’m doing, constantly referring to YouTube tutorials for guidance. I give my photo I’m working on a good glare, but then I’m startled as someone sits next to me on the couch.

It’s him. You have got to be kidding me. I take my headphones out and he grins at me.

“You look very angry,” he says.

I feel my face heat up from embarrassment. “Just having trouble with this.”

“I was leaving and saw you working on this,” he leans over to peek at my laptop, then gives me an encouraging smile as he adds, “It’s good!”

I let out a huff of frustrated laughter. “Yeah, right,” I mumble. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

He gives me another one of those curious looks. “You’re not a photography student, are you?”

I shake my head, “I hate it. I mean, I don't hate photography, I just hate doing it.” Good job with the awkward rambling, Mason.

“Mm,” he hums, nodding a little bit.

I can't stop the blabbering. For some reason when I'm nervous I just start going off. “I mean, like I said, I like photography. People that are good at it are amazing to me. There’s too much to know with this dumb program, I can’t even figure out how to add a stupid filter. And that's like, baby stuff.”

The look on his face is one of amusement. Hazel eyes go from me to my laptop, and again he leans closer, reaching out to take control, his hand on my trackpad. My face heats up again. He’s so close to me. I shake off the thought and watch what he does. He’s very fast, and gets me to some window with all kinds of filters. I watch him as he sits back and looks over at me.

“How did you do that?” I ask, feeling dumb for being so amazed by such a simple thing. He laughs at me.

“I’m just that good,” he shrugs. I narrow my eyes at him, still feeling silly.

“Don’t you have work to do,” I ask, eyes retreating back to my laptop. My finger mindlessly plays with the mouse, and I can feel his eyes on me.

“I just got off. I like photography, I thought I’d come see what you were doing before I head out,” he says simply. Seriously? I wish I wasn’t so shy. I could never just approach someone like this… Leaning back into the couch, but still staring at my computer, I mumble a thanks.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, your photos look good, Mason,” he chimes, and my stomach flips when he says my name. I forgot that I gave him my name for the coffee. I’m probably blushing again, so I hurriedly try to say something else, not sure why I don’t just let the conversation die so he can leave.

“I just… I have to take this class for extra credit hours, and I see all these other people’s amazing photos in the hall…”

“Those people are photography majors, of course they’re gonna be good,” he shrugs again.

I look over at him, and he tries to give me a reassuring smile. I don't know why, but I ask, “Have you seen that one photo at the end of that hall… All the others are black and white portraits, or close ups of random objects or something.. but there’s one at the end, it’s this bird. And it’s so colorful and vibrant. It’s my favorite one. It reminds me of a painting.”

He presses his lips together, trying to stifle a laugh. Oh man, I probably sounded stupid, I sound so dramatic when I talk about art. But what he says throws me off.

“Thanks.”

And then it hits me. I’m even more embarrassed now. It’s his fucking photo. He’s—“You’re Ethan? Ethan Hale?”

“Oh, stop, you’re making me feel like a celebrity,” he laughs. “Yeah, that’s me. That’s my parakeet. Her name is Baby.”

I can’t help but let out a laugh. “Baby? You named your bird Baby?”

“Yeah, I love her,” he simply says like this isn’t a totally weird first actual conversation between two people. I just laugh again and so does he; one of my first genuine laughs in a long time. “Hey, I have to go, but—can I see your phone?”

Am I really getting this guy’s number? Am I in some fanfiction? I shake off the thoughts and unlock my phone, handing it over.

“Ew, you have an android? Nevermind, we can’t be friends,” he makes a disgusted face but starts putting his number in anyway, and I laugh again, but I think my heart is going a million miles an hour. “Here,” he hands it back, “Text me some time. I can help you with your photography and editing, if you want.”

I give him a confused look. “Why would you help me?”

One last shrug. “I like you. You made me feel famous. I wanna be friends. How does that sound?”

“Um—Good, great. Thanks. Yeah, I’ll text you some time,” I stutter, not even believing what’s going on. I’ve gotten guys’ numbers before, but I’ve never been this excited about it. Not to mention this nervous. He’s intimidating, to say the least, but he’s really nice and if he can help me out, I’ll take that offer.

“Cool,” he nods, standing, “I’ll see you around.”

I nod back, “Yeah, see ya.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ethan and mason are me and my friend's OCs! some art of them can be found on my twitter @_spaceygays or on my instagram @asher813
> 
> thanks for reading about my silly boys! <3

_Ethan_

A couple days have gone by since I gave Mason my number. I’m not surprised he hasn’t texted me; sometimes I come off a little strong. I don’t let it bother me, though. Not the end of the world.

Cameron greets me from our tiny apartment kitchen when I walk in, kicking off my shoes and dropping my bag to the ground, my camera hanging from my neck. “Where were you?” she asks, and I walk over to the kitchen. Our place is small; two bedrooms, one bathroom, a little living room area, and a kitchen. But it’s just us, and it’s just right.

Cam and I have been best friends since I can remember. She's smart, and she's pretty. Long brown hair and deep brown eyes so dark I can hardly see her pupils. We tried dating before I admitted to myself that I was gay, and we even fucked a few times. But it became too weird, too wrong, and eventually we both realized why it wasn’t working. No hard feelings at all, luckily. She’s my best friend. I tell her (almost) everything. She’s the only person that’s seen me cry. She keeps me in line, as much as she can, at least. I love her. Just…not the way a man is supposed to love a woman, I guess.

“Taking stupid photos of stupid trees,” I sigh, sitting at our little counter top table and running my hands through my hair. “Building a portfolio so I can get a job. You know. The usual.”

“Have you done your head shots yet?” she asks, looking up from the homework she has sprawled out on the table for a second and then looking back down.

Another sigh. “No, I haven’t found the right person. I want them to be perfect, I want the person to be unique. I don’t know. The same photo of a sad looking girl over and over isn’t exactly what I’m going for.”

“Well, I wish you luck on finding that special someone to take pictures of,” she gives me a little grin before returning to her work. “Did you pick up your prescriptions like you were supposed to?”

My face darkens. “No, I forgot,” I lie. I didn’t forget. I just hate going to the pharmacy. I hate going to the doctor. I hate being sick. I have Parkinson’s. I got diagnosed with it a few years ago, and I have to take medicine to help cope with it. It's rare that someone this young shows any symptoms, but I've never been the luckiest person. On top of that, I got diagnosed with depression around the same fucking time and have to take meds for that, too. Sometimes I skip taking them, hoping that it’ll just stop. But it doesn’t, and one day I know I’ll be constantly shaky and fucked up. Right now I just have a few tremors here and there, maybe one tiny one every few weeks or months, but it feels like every single day…

I used to paint. I loved painting. But I can’t anymore, too scared of ruining my art from a tremor, even as infrequent as they are. So I got more invested in photography. I miss painting, but I like photography a lot more now.

Cam sighs, setting her pen down and looking directly into my eyes. I hate when she does that. It’s like she can send a signal into my brain to make me feel terrible. “Ethan…”

“I know, I know. I’ll go tomorrow. They’re closed now,” I reassure her, and she stands, walking around the counter to stand next to me. I turn in my seat and face her.

“Promise,” she holds out her pinky like we’re ten years old. I roll my eyes, but I smile and take her pinky in mine and nod.

“Promise.”

She kisses my cheek and goes to the bathroom. I sadly look down at my hands in my lap. I hate making her upset. I know she worries about me, probably more than anyone does. I don’t want her to, but she does. She’s the only person aside from family members who knows about all my issues, too. I don’t want anyone else to know.

I go to my bedroom and lie in my bed, closing my eyes for a few minutes, but of course, I end up falling asleep for a few hours.

I’m awaken by my phone blowing up, dinging over and over again. Stupid group chats… I forgot it was Friday, and everyone wants to go out. I text back, trying to make plans with everyone at once. I notice I have another message, it’s from a random number.

_hey ethan_

_oh yea, this is mason._

I’m a little surprised he actually texted me. I add him as a contact to my phone and text back:

_Heyy. Whats up_

He texts back really fast.

_are you busy tonight?_

I let him know about my plans to go out. I don’t get wasted every time I go out… It’s not good to do when you’re on several medications.. I ask him if he wants to come with my friends and me. This time he takes about a good twenty minutes to answer.

_oh, thanks but I don’t really want to tonight_

and then

_I was just wondering if you wanted to get together tomorrow afternoon to work on some stuff_

Well, if I don’t get drunk off my ass tonight then I should be good to interact with another human being tomorrow. So I say sure, we talk about where to meet. We’re just going to go back to the cafe place I work at. I usually have no problem inviting people over right away. Mason’s really hot, and I’m hoping that he’s at least a little bisexual. I get the vibes from him. I feel like he’s kissed a few guys before.

Offering to help him is half a ploy to get some action and half due to the fact that I actually think he’ll be kinda cool to hang out with. I hope those things both work out.

I get up to get ready for the night; Baby starts talking in her cage and I let her out as I often can. I set her on top of it. “I got a date tomorrow, Baby,” I say to her.

She makes kissing noises like she usually does, then chimes, “Baby, baby!” one of the few things she knows how to say. I can’t help but laugh at my little bird. “Hell yeah,” I say back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ethan and mason are me and my friend's OCs! some art of them can be found on my twitter @_spaceygays or on my instagram @asher813
> 
> thanks for reading about my silly boys! <3
> 
> also: the chapters get pretty short because i dont like to put two perspectives in one chapter;;; sorry!

_Mason: here a little early. you can come whenever_

_Ethan: on my way in a few. Also can you see emojis?_

_Mason: ……no_

_Ethan: omfg this friendship is not going to work_

_Mason: :((_

_Ethan: :))))))_

\--

_Mason_

Saturday was weird, but oddly really enjoyable. Ethan and I met at the coffee place he works at and spent a good few hours going over editing tips and tricks and just talking. I found out that he’s a photography major (duh), and that he wants to become a professional photographer and has done a few small photography jobs already.

He loves birds. He wants more but doesn’t want to crowd his apartment. He likes social media. He sent several snaps to random people I don’t know throughout the time we were together. We added each other on Snapchat. I’m kind of nervous to see what his stories entail.

He flat out told me he’s gay. It came up when I asked if he had any roommates, and he told me about his friend Cameron. Ethan told me about how they tried to make a relationship work until he realized he liked guys, but they’re still best friends. I wonder if that’s weird for her. I didn’t ask that. He loves his mom. Doesn’t see or care for his dad much. Has a sister named Harper.

I told him about myself, too. About my family, how I got into art, and how I’m on the swim team here. It’s not really an official sport here so it doesn't take up too much time, it's just a swim club that I’m in. I found out Ethan plays tennis. Or, used to, in high school. I never would’ve guessed that by looking at him.

We got distracted and he showed me 50 pictures and videos of Baby. I didn’t mind at all. I showed him some pictures of my paintings I have on my phone. He got a little reserved when we would talk about painting. I’m not sure why. I didn’t ask.

He asked if I was seeing anyone, probably trying to figure out if I like guys or girls. I told him “not exactly…” to which he responded “what does that mean?” I tried to explain my weird thing with Alicia. He was confused. I didn’t tell him how she made me miserable sometimes. I just told him that we were in a weird, open relationship, but that she’d get upset if I talked about other people I was with.

“Does she know you’re bi?” he asked, to which I hurriedly replied, “I never said I was bisexual..”

“You said ‘She doesn’t know about the guys I’ve been with.’” Ethan said bluntly.

I blushed, “Oh, right, I did say that.” Didn’t realize I had said it out loud…

We continued talking at the coffee shop, then went to get dinner. Luckily, Ethan was as good at talking as I was at listening. I liked it. We just kinda clicked. Talking to him wasn’t uncomfortable, it wasn’t hard. It was easy, like we had been friends for a while. It was nice. I never met anyone like that before. Again, he invited me to go out with him and his friends that night, but I declined, not sure if I was ready to be around his seemingly intimidating group of friends.

“Suit yourself,” Ethan said, and I remembered when he said that to me in the bar. I wondered if he even remembered that. I never brought it up.

After dinner Ethan asked if I wanted to see his apartment, but I just wanted to get back to my room.

“Some other time,” he offered with a smile, and we said goodbye and went our separate ways.

The whole walk home, all I could think about was how comfortable I was around him. I was scared to meet up at first, but after a while, it was easy. Being around him was easy.

It’s 2AM, and I’m watching snap stories. I see Ethan’s. I don’t know why I get nervous; what does he do when he goes out? I tap on it, and several videos of Ethan and his friends joking around and laughing play. They look like they’re having fun. It looks like they’re just drinking and chilling in someone’s apartment. I kind of wish I went. The next snap is a selfie of Ethan, and I stare at it for so long that the time runs out.


	4. Chapter 4

_Ethan_

I never let them sleep over.

People I fuck, they go home when we’re done. Very rarely have I let anyone stay the night. There was one guy, I don’t even remember his name. It was the best sex I ever had, we both fell asleep right after. He deserved to stay the night. He was an older guy, but he was damn hot. I never saw him again after that.

If they are piss ass drunk and need to stay the night, they can have the couch. I don’t like sharing a bed when I sleep and I don’t care too much for cuddling. The only person I’ve cuddled with is Cam. She’s soft and small. Guys are too big and warm, and I’m not about to cuddle some guy I just met. Cam always asks if I’m ever going to have an actual relationship. I asked her the same thing and she got mad at me for ten minutes.

Cam and I have a secret apartment language. Bedroom door open = come on in. Bedroom door cracked = I went out. When it’s shut, do not come in unless you’re dying or something. My door is almost always closed at night, but hers is too. Cam doesn’t sleep around as much as I do. She has a “boyfriend” for a while and then something happens and she has a new “boyfriend.” But recently, this guy she’s been with has been around for weeks now. This is the longest I’ve seen. I think Cam really likes him, but if I ask her about it she always changes the subject. I try not to pry.

I have some guys that I’ll hook up with more than once. My friend Matty and I sometimes (rarely) smoke together and fuck when we’re high. It doesn’t happen too often, but he’s seen my bedroom more than most guys.

I’ve never really had a “real” relationship. Truthfully, the thought scares me. I feel like I’d fuck up somehow and someone would get hurt. There are too many feelings and responsibilities that go into a relationship and I don’t think I can handle it. I can barely handle my own feelings and responsibilities. Maybe one day, though. Maybe one day.

Anyway, since last Saturday, Mason and I text quite often. He turned out to be really cool, actually. We have the same weird sense of humor (once he got more comfortable), and we’re interested in a lot of the same things. And, he’s fucking talented. His paintings look like photographs. I wondered why he was at a normal public university instead of some fancy art school. He’s way too talented for anyone here. Looking at his work filled my chest with a heavy feeling; I miss painting so much.

I lie on my bed for a while, staring at the ceiling. It’s about 10AM. I have nothing to do. With a great sigh, I sit up and get on the floor, searching under my bed for my paints. I have a canvas or two that have never been touched. I haven’t tried painting in months, but I brought my paints just in case I had an urge like this.

I set everything up on my floor, and with a shaky breath, I paint.

And it actually goes really well! No shaking, nothing! I’m hunched over for what seems like hours, painting away. I paint a simple landscape, nothing special, but I’m so overwhelmed that it turned out right and I didn’t mess it up. I stare at it forever, proud as fuck of myself.

I grab my paint-covered brushes and filthy cup of paint water to clean up, and when I get to the bathroom, Cam’s getting ready to go somewhere, putting her face on.

“Where you going all fancy like that?” I ask with a grin, “A date with that boy?”

“Maybe, maybe not,” she hums, face super close to the mirror as she puts on mascara.

I’m about to retort when it hits me. A fucking tremor. You have got to be fucking kidding me. I do my best to focus, and I hurriedly try to set the paint water cup on the counter, but my shaking hands nudge it off. “Shit!” Dirty water and brushes splatter onto the tile floor. Cam gasps and jumps back at the sudden commotion, and I feel so stupid, stupid, stupid! I knew painting was a bad fucking idea! I knew it! Why does this always fucking happen? Why do I mess everything up? Why...?

I’m still shaking, and Cam steps barefoot through the mess the grasp my hands.

I can’t help it. I’m so frustrated and upset that I have this stupid disease that I start to cry. “I’m sorry, Cam,” I choke out, “I’ll clean it up, I’m so sorry.”

“Shh, no, it’s fine. Don’t cry over spilled water,” she says gently. Cam hugs me close and I bury my face into her neck, my body trembling. She holds me until it passes. I silently let tears fall.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ethan and mason are me and my friend's OCs! some art of them can be found on my twitter @_spaceygays or on my instagram @asher813
> 
> thanks for reading about my silly boys! <3
> 
> also: the chapters get pretty short because i dont like to put two perspectives in one chapter;;; sorry!

_Mason: this kid in my photog class is going on and on about his fuckin photos omfg kill me_

_Ethan: no kill him instead_

_Mason: uhm no I don’t think that is a good idea but thx_

_Ethan: what is he saying_

_Mason: “omg so like the inspiration for this composition came to me in a dream, I was sooo inspired that’s why these turned out so well omg im so great”_

_Ethan: I wish u had emojis so I could properly represent my reaction_

_Mason: i am so sorry I don’t have emojis. thats not the point tho the point is that this kid is fucking annoying_

_Ethan: the key to success is confidence_

_Mason: ye abut too much is not okay, he thinks hes the next picasso_

_Ethan: Picasso wasnt a photographer, mason…..jeez are u even an art student??_

_Mason: stfu :|_

_Ethan: >:))))))))))))_

\--

_Mason_

When you have a roommate who’s almost never there, you spend a lot of time alone. I don’t mind, I guess. I have a lot of art work that needs to be taken care of and it’s easier to do when no one is there to distract you. Sometimes it does get a little lonely, though, and sometimes I’ll even get so bored I’ll ask Alicia if she wants to hang out.

Today is one of those days. Part of me almost texted Ethan, but I’m still kind of nervous with him, always wondering if I’m bothering him. He’s a year older than me, playful and outgoing but serious about school, and I don’t ever wanna bother him since it seems he has so much to do…and he already has a group of friends; I’m sure he’s with them often.

So I texted Alicia and ended up at her apartment. We’ve spent most of the day lying in her bed and watching TV, and it’s actually been sort of relaxing. It’s times like these where I enjoy her friendship and this weird thing we have. She’s a lot better when she’s not around other people. This is how it was all the time when we first met—just relaxing and hanging out and talking. But she got weird. She started hanging around a group I didn’t care for and they rubbed off on her. She’s always been sort of self-centered but it got extremely bad when she met these people. They pressured her into a lot of things and she became a different person. Any time I brought it up, it led to a fight. It was exhausting so I just stopped talking about it.

But right now, it’s good. Right now, it feels like we’re 18 and hanging out for the first time again.

She starts touching me and my body responds immediately since we haven’t done anything in a while, and since I’m so horny I don’t even think twice. Her hand slips into my sweatpants, under my boxers. I let her keep going, but eventually she stops before I come and crawls on top of me. She starts to kiss me, grinding against my hard-on. In the moment, all I want to do is fuck. I grab her and slide my hands under her shirt and touch her back, pulling her closer to me. Everything’s a blur.

We end up fucking. I had been trying to get myself to stop sleeping with her; she had other boys to be with, she didn’t need me. But I couldn’t resist. When we finish, lying there in our clothes, a sudden wave rushes over me, and not a good one. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable. She cuddles up next to me and in the pit of my stomach I just feel gross. Guilty. It wasn’t right, something wasn’t right. But I hold her anyway, trying to pretend like it’s all fine. I don’t want her to have a meltdown from me not cuddling her.

All I can think about in that moment is how I want to shower for a long time and never have sex with Alicia ever again.

\--

_Mason: I saw you running around campus. nice sweatband you nerd_

_Ethan: omg fuck you, I look cute_

_Mason: loll you look like you belong in an 80s dance club_

_Ethan: wtf what did I do to deserve this sudden roasting session >:(_

_Mason: run around in public in a cut off and short shorts complete w a sweatband_

_Ethan: ITS HOT OUT YOU ASSHOLE at least I don’t shave my legs_

_Mason: ………………….low blow_

_Ethan: u kinda deserved it ;)_

_Mason: I did I did…_


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ethan and mason are me and my friend's OCs! some art of them can be found on my twitter @_spaceygays or on my instagram @asher813
> 
> thanks for reading about my silly boys! <3
> 
> also: the chapters get pretty short because i dont like to put two perspectives in one chapter;;; sorry!

_Ethan_

To my surprise, Mason had asked me to go to one of his swim meets. There was a small home meet and I had nothing better to do so I went, and I took several pretty hilarious snapchats of him as he stood waiting for his race. Can’t wait for him to check my story.

Mason was only in a couple races, and the rest of the time he sat with me and explained a lot about the sport.

“I usually sit with my teammates,” Mason told me, “But since you actually came I think I can make an exception.”

I grinned and asked, “Why isn’t Alicia here?”

“Um,” Mason gave me an embarrassed look, those blue eyes looking at the pool from our seats, “She’s never come to one of my meets. Well, I guess she came to one, but she didn’t stay the whole time and left before I even had a race.”

“Wow, what a girl, huh?” I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. I don’t like that bitch. Every time Mason tells me something about her, I’m more disgusted. She seems like a selfish brat who’s used to getting her way and if she doesn’t she throws a tantrum. Mason won’t cut her off, though, and whenever I ask why he gives me some bullshit, stuttering answer.

“Yeah, well…” he trailed off, and I didn’t say anything more about it. I decided to never bring her up when we hang out. Mason is a lot more fun when you don’t talk about her.

After the meet, he went out with his team to get dinner, but I asked if he wanted to come see my apartment after. This is the longest I’ve gone knowing a guy and not having him over. I’m sort of hoping something happens, but at the same time, I feel like if I’m too forward I’ll scare him away, and I really like Mason. He’s a good guy and actually fun to be around.

Mason had declined since it was late, but asked if he could stop by the next day, to which I agreed… I texted him the address earlier and now I’m just sitting on my couch, going through the photos on my camera. I still need to find someone for my head shot portraits…

It’s about 6PM on a Saturday. Mason said he’d be over around 5ish but even I lost track of time trying to get some work done. I get an “I’m here, I think…” text from Mason, and I let out a little laugh when I imagine him accidentally ending up at the wrong apartment.

When I open the door, he’s standing there with his hands stuffed in his pockets, a black t-shirt and jeans on. Admittedly, he’s pretty hot. Mason is younger than I am but a bit taller, not by too much, maybe 6 inches or so, but enough that I look way younger than he does. He’s also very muscular. He’s not super jacked like a crazy gym beefhead, but he’s very toned and fit, especially from what I saw at his meet.

Fuck it, Mason is hot as hell and I really want to sleep with him.

“Cool, I’m not lost,” he says with a grin, and I jokingly reply, “Do I know you?” before letting him in.

“Well, it’s not much but it’s where I live,” I shrug, then give him an incredibly short tour since you can basically see every room from one spot.

“I like it,” he smiles, gazing around, “I’d love to live somewhere like this. Is Cameron here?”

“Nah, she’s out with some friends,” I wave a dismissing hand, “Anyway, did you bring your laptop?”

Mason then hurriedly fumbles with his backpack, “Oh, yeah, I forgot I actually came over for a reason.”

“Yeah, right. You just agreed to come over so you could see me,” I tease, and Mason lets out a quick, shy laugh as he places his bag on the floor.

“Can I see your room?” he suddenly asks, and I’m not sure why I panic. I don’t really let people see my room. They just go in there, sleep with me, and leave. And it’s usually dark. But I blurt out a “yeah, sure” and start leading him to it.

My room is small, but covered with photos I’ve taken. I have a queen size bed, a small nightstand, and a little table with Baby’s birdcage on top. Mason’s eyes explore my room from top to bottom, and for some reason he’s super amazed by my photos and starts examining each one.

“What, you went to France?” he asks excitedly, pointing to a self-portrait of myself standing in front of the Eiffel Tower.

I shrug like it’s not a big deal, I'm such an ass. “For a few weeks as a study abroad thing. It was pretty cool. One of the only 3 times I’ve ever been on a plane.”

“That’s awesome,” he hums, eyes scanning every photo. I get a little embarrassed watching him closely analyze them all. But in a way, I sort of feel a small sense of pride. Here’s a kid who’s super into art, absolutely head over heels for all of my photos. Granted, he’s not a photographer, he doesn’t know the difference between a good and bad picture. But still, I like that he’s so interested. I have a lot of people who know I’m a photographer, but…no one’s ever really cared before. It’s nice.

Finally, he notices Baby’s cage. “Is that your bird?” he asks, fucking beaming. Why is this kid so excited about everything? It’s kinda cute.

“No, it’s my neighbor’s bird. I stole it.”

“Shut up,” he laughs, walking over to her. “Can you take her out?”

Now I’m kind of excited. I love Baby. I love playing with her. Hell yeah I’ll take her out. She starts chattering immediately when I open the cage. I hold my hand to her and she jumps on.

I watch Mason stare her down. “She’s smaller in person,” he says in a very serious tone that makes me bust out laughing. I have to calm down so Baby doesn’t get scared. Mason’s laughing too, through his giggles he says, “I need to stop thinking out loud.”

“No, keep doing it. It’s funny as fuck,” I give him a grin, and Baby starts making kissy noises.

Mason is just fucking elated when she starts to talk, saying little phrases like “baby, baby!” and “pretty baby!” and “good birdy!” I’m getting a kick out of watching this guy go nuts over my bird. It makes me happy that he likes her. Matty can’t stand birds (I think he’s afraid of her) and a lot of my friends aren’t really interested. Besides Cam, Mason’s really the only other friend I’ve had that’s interested.

We lose absolutely all track of time as we sit on the floor and play with Baby, watching her bounce around and play with some little toys I have for her. Mason takes what will probably be a 500 second snap story of her. He takes one of me holding her, and then a selfie of himself holding her (she’s a little nervous around new people, but she let Mason hold her for a couple seconds). We both forget that he came over so I could help him edit.

It’s almost 8 by the time we finally go sit on the couch to do some work. I spend some time showing him some more editing tricks, and then let him take some time figuring out and editing things himself as I do my own work. We have some music on, something Mason put on that I’ve never heard of. I’m not really paying attention to it too much. I kind of shut everything out when I’m trying to edit photos.

Suddenly, Mason lets out a frustrated groan and exasperatedly rubs his face. “I can’t do this.”

“What?”

“There’s like…a million pictures, I can’t edit all of these.”

I save my work and shut my laptop. “Take a break then.”

He looks as if he wants to argue but he doesn’t have the strength. “I actually better go, it’s getting late.”

“It’s like 11pm on a Saturday night,” I laugh, pulling my legs up onto the couch.

“I know! That’s late!” he cries out, leaning back on the couch after he puts his laptop on the floor. The couch isn’t very big, and we’re sort of sitting close. He looks over at me and I give him a little reassuring smile since he’s so frustrated. Softly, he asks, “How are you so…not stressed about anything?”

“I’m totally dying inside, I just hide it well,” I reply with a smirk. He lets out a tired laugh. He’s still staring at me, lets out a breath and presses his lips together, looking like he wants to say something but doesn’t know what. I feel like he wants to kiss me when his eyes flicker to my mouth and back up at my eyes again. I feel him lean in just the slightest bit, and I watch him carefully, but he sits back.

Damnit.

“I’m gonna get home and go to bed,” he says quietly, “Thanks for inviting me over.” He offers me a smile and I smile back.

“Thanks for coming.”

I’m kinda tired too, and I watch him as he packs his stuff up. He says goodnight and leaves, and I’m left sitting on the couch…oddly disappointed that he didn’t kiss me. I really thought he was going to. I think _he_ really thought he was going to.

 

Hm. Oh well.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ethan and mason are me and my friend's OCs! some art of them can be found on my twitter @_spaceygays or on my instagram @asher813
> 
> thanks for reading about my silly boys! <3
> 
> also: the chapters get pretty short because i dont like to put two perspectives in one chapter;;; sorry!

_Mason_

This really sucks. Like, really sucks. I love hanging out with Ethan, don’t get me wrong. But now I’m so used to seeing him that when he’s gone I’m bored as hell. He went home for the weekend and so I’m at school by myself, trying to find something to do. As usual, my roommate also left for the weekend…the only person I can really hang out with right now is Alicia, and I know she’ll end up wanting to have sex. That’s the last thing I wanna do right now…at least, with her.

Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, I grab my phone to check it. Ethan’s snap story is filled with videos of Cameron driving, and them singing loudly with the radio. I feel stupid when I suddenly feel jealous; what am I even jealous of? Ethan’s gay, for one. And I don’t wanna date him…I just… I don’t know. I’m not sure how I feel.. I…

Fuck it. I like Ethan. I like him a lot. He’s cute, he’s funny, he’s talented, he’s smart and witty. He’s got a bird! He’s sociable and likable, easy to talk to. He gets excited about art with me. He’s interested in my work. He’s just…amazing. And I like him. I like him more than I’ve liked anyone else. But I’m not sure if he’s…into relationships. I know he likes to kinda sleep around, from what I’ve gathered.. I don’t wanna get all caught up in that.

I almost kissed him. A couple weeks ago, sitting on his couch. I wanted to so, so badly. I just couldn’t get myself to do it. I feel like he’s not interested in me like that. He could get anyone he wants. He makes friends so easily, and I’m not anything special, either. I’m still too shy to hang out with his friends. I’ve met some of them for a few seconds, but every time Ethan invites me to go out, I get too nervous. I feel like he’s going to eventually stop asking me.

My heart jumps when he suddenly texts me.

_I showed my mom some of your paintings._

_She wants to buy one lol she really likes your work_

I try not to reply too eagerly:

_Whyyyyyy they’re not anything special_

His reply:

_Shut up may lol_

May. I smile at that. No one really calls me that, but I like it.

Why! Why is he doing this to me? I don’t want to feel all these things. I just wanted to have a cool friend, but now all I think about is kissing him. Why? Does he realize how much he affects me? Probably not. I send him a little smiley and he doesn’t answer after that. It’s only like 9:30, and I don’t want to go to bed. I really, really don’t want to, but for some reason I text Alicia anyway.

In a few minutes she’s in my room, talking to me about which friend she hates this week and why she’s not going out tonight. I don’t really care, but I try to listen anyway. I regret asking her to come over. I should’ve just started drawing or something. The more time I spend with Ethan, the more I realize how much I don’t care for Alicia or how she makes me feel. So why do I keep asking her to hang out? I’m just lonely I guess. And she's one of the few friends I have... I just.. It's complicated.

Ethan snapchats me. I open it and it’s a selfie of him with some people I don’t know. Probably friends from home. Again I feel that weird jealously; jealous that I’m not with him and those people are. I want to be. They’ll probably have fun tonight.

“Who are you snapchatting?” Alicia asks when she sees me replying to him. She’s sitting in my bed and I’m at my desk chair, sitting on it backwards with my arms resting on the back of it. I glance up at her and she looks at me expectantly.

“My friend,” I say, shrugging.

“Is it that boy that’s always in your snap stories?” she asks, sounding a little annoyed. What's her problem?

I sigh and say back, “Yeah, why?”

“Do you know who that _is_?” she asks snidely, “My friend is a senior that has a lot of classes with him. Are you sure you should be hanging out with someone like him?”

I give her a questioning look, “What? What’s wrong with Ethan?”

She shrugs, looking at her nails. “I heard he smokes weed a lot.”

“I’ve never seen him smoke before.”

“Maybe he does it when you’re not around.”

“Why do you care? You drink like every weekend,” I shoot back.

“That’s not the same thing…smoking weed makes you lose brain cells,” she says seriously, now looking at her phone.

I roll my eyes. Talking to you makes me lose brain cells, I think to myself. “He’s cool and he’s really nice.”

“Well, I heard he’s fucked like every guy in the art department,” Alicia states like she knows him.

“Who cares if he has?” I try not to raise my voice, “He’s still a nice person…”

I can’t tell if she’s just trying to piss me off. I don’t like yelling at her but damn, she’s making it really hard not to. She gives me a little “hmmph” and "I'm just trying to look out for you, jeez, Mason" and I ignore her, not caring to continue the conversation. Fuck her friend, what does she know? I’m the one that’s spent time with him. I…maybe I don’t know Ethan like I think I do. The thought makes my stomach knot up. I try not to think about it.

Suddenly, she asks me something completely out of the blue. “Why do you have to like boys, Mason?”

I look up from my phone at her. “What?”

“You heard what I said.”

“I don’t know, I just do? Why does it even matter?” I get a little defensive.

“It’s weird. Some guys won’t even talk to me because I’ve slept with you.” She crosses her arms like this is so hard for her.

I don’t even know what to say to her. I can’t get any words to come out. I’m about to tell her to leave when she gets her stuff and lets herself out. Why did I even invite her? Why does she constantly make me feel bad? Why can’t I tell her to fuck off? Why do I let her walk all over me? After she leaves, I turn the light off and crawl into bed. I feel so shitty. I try not to cry.

I open my phone and type in the message box to Ethan:

_I miss you. I wish you were here._

I delete it before hitting send and go to bed.


	8. Chapter 8

_Ethan_

I’m on my way to Mason’s dorm with him. He had to grab his laptop and asked if I wanted to go with, and I said sure. We’ve been hanging out sort of regularly, which I actually like. We don’t see each other too much on weekdays; I only see him for a few minutes when he comes to get coffee. But other than that, I usually spend most of the weekend with him. Until I ask him to go out with my friends and me and he declines and goes home. If we’re not together we snapchat a lot. Or text. He’s a fast replier and I like that.

Anyway, we make it to his dorm. He lives on the 5th floor but makes us take the stairs still. I complain to him the whole way and he just laughs at me. Asshole…

“Okay, I don’t think my roommate is here. He’s never here,” he laughs, “It’s kinda nice though. Oh, I hope he’s not here. He probably heard that.”

I just smile. Mason’s cute sometimes.

He opens the door and it’s a pretty big room for a dorm room. One side is his roommate’s and the other is his. Mason’s roommate’s side is empty and boring; the guy isn’t here, like Mason said. But then I see Mason’s side and I’m in awe. I thought my room was covered…He has paintings all over the walls. Paintings and postcards. I walk to his desk and see tons of sketchbooks crammed on the shelf. His bed is on the wall by the window.

“Why are you so quiet,” he asks, nervously laughing, “I tried to clean up earlier today.”

“Your room is so nice,” I finally say, “I hated living in the dorms, but I didn’t know they had big ones like this.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty nice.” He rubs his arm and smiles shyly as he watches me check out all of his artwork. Man, I wish I still painted. I’m never doing that again, though. Not after last time. There’s one portrait painting hanging by his desk. It could pass as a photograph from a distance.

“Damnit, Mason,” I shake my head and then look at him, “Why aren’t you at some prestigious as shit art school? You’re way too good for everyone here.”

He looks at the ground and rubs his collarbone nervously, looking like he doesn’t get complimented very often. That’s a shame.

“I dunno, I just… It’s a lot of money, ya know, and I didn’t wanna be around those kind of people.”

“The rich art snobs?” I ask, giving him a grin that he doesn’t see since he’s still staring at the floor.

Finally, though, he looks up at me and smiles. “Yeah, middle class art snobs are little more tolerable.”

That makes me laugh, and he laughs a little, too. He seems kind of distant today, and actually, he’s been a little distant since I came home last week. I haven’t asked him about it; I don’t like to pry. But I miss how he used to be. I wanna know why he’s so reserved lately.

“Hey, May,” I say, and he immediately looks at me. I move to sit on his bed. “Are you alright? You’ve been kind of quieter lately. Is something wrong?”

He gives me a blank look for a couple seconds, then joins me on his bed. He sighs loudly, and runs his hands through his hair. “I’m just…” he pauses longer than normal, “…really stressed out lately. School and everything.”

I feel like he’s not telling the truth, but I nod. For the first time since we’ve hung out, an awkward silence falls over us. I don’t know what to say to him. I’m not very good at comforting people.

But he breaks the tension, looking at me and asking, “How are you so damn likable?”

I’m confused. “What?”

“You can just talk to people so easily. You make friends easily. People seem to gravitate towards you.”

Oh. Not what I thought he meant, but okay. “Um, I don’t know,” I awkwardly laugh. What a weird question. “I’ve just kinda always been good with people, I guess. When I wanna be, at least. I’m kinda picky with the people I hang around.”

He gives me a little smile. “Then I made the cut?”

I offer a smile back at him. “Yeah, you did. Congrats.”

Mason is silent again, those blue eyes looking everywhere but at me. I feel like he has so much more he wants to say. I just watch him until he speaks again, softer this time, “I don’t know what to do about Alicia.”

I pull my legs up onto his bed and sit cross-legged. What did this brat do now? “What do you mean?”

“It’s like…every time I feel alone, I go to her. And then I just end up feeling worse. I can’t seem to cut her out of my life, even though I know I should. I don’t know how to hurt people even when they deserve it,” he explains, lying back on his bed.

“You’re a good person, Mason, you have a big heart.”

“Too big!” he shouts, “I’ve tried breaking things off before. The second she starts crying I just can’t do it!”

“Want me to do it for you?” I offer, half kidding and half serious. “I don’t give a shit if she cries.”

That, oddly, makes him laugh. His laughter makes me laugh a little, too. I lie back on the bed next to him, turning my head towards his. He does the same. Damnit, I want to kiss him. But he’s already got enough on his mind, I don’t wanna fuck him up more. So we kind of just…stare at each other for a few minutes, neither of us knowing what to say or do.

He takes a small breath, and again I feel like he’s going to kiss me, but he just sits up and says, “Oh yeah, I need my laptop.”

Once again, that weird feeling of disappointment sets in. I lie there as I wait for him to gather his things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ethan and mason are me and my friend's OCs! some art of them can be found on my twitter @_spaceygays or on my instagram @asher813
> 
> thanks for reading about my silly boys! <3
> 
> also: the chapters get pretty short because i dont like to put two perspectives in one chapter;;; sorry!


	9. Chapter 9

_Mason_

Another night by myself. I haven’t bothered asking Alicia if she wants to hang out lately, and she doesn’t seem to care. We haven’t really spoken since the night she was bashing on Ethan, and to be honest, I don’t care too much either. But it does suck being kind of alone. I don’t want to bother Ethan, either. I wonder if he gets annoyed hanging out with me every weekend.

Right when I think that, though, he texts me.

_Mayyyy come out with us tonight plsssssssssssss_

And then I don’t want to do anything tonight anymore. I’m just too nervous, I don’t know! I’ve been to clubs and I like going out, but his friends don’t really know me too well and I feel like they don’t want anyone else in their group…

I open Snapchat, mindlessly looking through stories. I see Alicia’s and consider not bothering to watch it, but I end up doing so. Typical videos of her and her obnoxious friends drunkenly yelling and being annoying in general. Then I see a selfie of her and some guy. I don’t know what comes over me; some kind of spite, maybe. But I reply to Ethan:

_Sure. where should I meet you_

I can’t believe I just sent that. Now I have to go. My stomach is in knots waiting for him to answer.

_Omg finally!! My apartment, were gonna go to a club tonight but just meet me here_

I feel like I’m going to throw up. What do I do? Am I supposed to change? What club is it? A million questions run through my mind as I nervously change out of my sweats. I don’t know how I’m supposed to look. I just throw on a fitted white t-shirt and jeans. Is that enough?? This is too hard. I’m going to throw up. I stare at myself in the mirror, wondering if I should gel my hair or not. Why is this so difficult? I decide to just leave it and I head out.

The whole walk to Ethan’s is nauseating. I try to look as calm as I can on the outside, but inside I’m freaking out about everything. It’ll be fine, it’ll be fine, it’ll be okay, it’ll be fun, I try to tell myself as I walk up the steps of his apartment complex. I take a huge breath and remind myself of all the other times I’ve come over here, acting like it’s just one of those times. Ethan opens the door and I’m speechless. I’ve seen him smile plenty of times but tonight, my nerves combined with how nice he looks, I can hardly breathe.

“What’s up!” he says happily, throwing me out of my daze, “You look hot.”

My stomach twists in more knots when he says that, even though I know he’s just messing around with me. I scream at myself in my head to calm down and act natural like I always do when we’re together, but he looks so cute that it’s hard to focus. He’s got on a loose black crop top and black skinny jeans with black combat boots to match. I don’t look anywhere near good enough to be seen with him.

I can’t think of anything to say so I just nervously laugh, and luckily he just invites me in and keeps talking. “Cam is coming with us, I’m waiting on her to get ready. Then we can go.”

I nod, and notice that there’s no one else in his apartment. I thought his friends would be here. “Where’s everyone else?” I ask, and he finishes texting someone back before he answers me.

“Oh, we’re just gonna meet them there,” he replies, then goes back to his phone, moving to sit on his couch. “You can sit down if you want.”

I sit next to him, but he’s still on his phone, probably talking to his friends we’re going out with tonight. I take out my own phone and mindlessly go through different apps, feeling a little calmer but still kind of queasy about everything. I get to Snapchat, and Alicia has about 70 more seconds worth of stupid content, including way too many selfies of her and her guy of the night. I roll my eyes, and Ethan scares me as he suddenly appears super close to me, peeking at my phone. I didn’t even feel him scoot over.

“Is that Alicia?” he asks, and let out a “yea” while still looking at my phone. He’s silent for a second, then hesitantly asks, “Does it bother you when she shows off that she’s with other guys?”

I freeze up. I don’t know what to say. Yeah, it bothers me. I’m weirdly jealous, and then a mix of annoyed and frustrated. I just shrug. “I dunno.”

I’m too jumbled up inside to look over at him, knowing he’s so close to me. I wonder if he’s a little tipsy already. Maybe I’m just overthinking it. “Let’s take a picture together,” he insists, and I finally lift my eyes and look over at him. “Put it on your story. She’ll see it.” He grins at me. I let out a little laugh and shrug again. I guess I’m just feeling spiteful tonight.

My heart almost stops when Ethan puts his arms around my neck and our faces press together. I know he’s just getting close to piss Alicia off, it doesn’t mean anything. I take the picture of us and Ethan laughs, chiming, “We look so cute, she’s gonna be so mad.” He has his arms wrapped around me still and watches as I post it, then moves away. My pulse is flying, and I wonder if he felt how warm my face was.

I feel a little bit bad blatantly trying to make Alicia upset, but for some reason, at the same time, I don’t care. Maybe I’ll take more pictures of Ethan and me tonight. Maybe I’ll do whatever the fuck I want. Maybe I’ll feel bad about it tomorrow. But right now I just don’t care. Right now, I feel like I deserve to go out and enjoy myself.

Finally then, I start to feel a little better and less nervous. Ethan and I start talking about random things as we wait for Cameron, falling back into a comfortable place. As Ethan laughs, I notice something…in his mouth.

“Do…do you have piercing in your mouth?” I ask, squinting at it as he continues to smile.

“Oh yeah, I only wear this one occasionally. I usually have a really small one in that you can’t see just so it doesn’t close,” he explains, and I’m just so…fascinated.

“What is that called?” I ask, genuinely intrigued. He has his nose and ears pierced, but I thought that was all he had. I don’t know a lot about piercings.

He gives me a grin so I can see it better. “A smiley piercing.”

I laugh a little. “How appropriate,” I tease him, but I really do think it’s kind of hot. “I like it, you should wear that one more.”

“Just for you?” he tilts his head at me and smirks, and I try to remain calm but he’s so damn…cute. My heart flutters. “Maybe I will.”

My heart is god damn _pounding_ , and I notice that he’s suddenly sitting so close to me. Here it is, the chance to kiss him again. Even if he’s just messing with me, it doesn’t change the fact that I want to kiss him so badly. He’s staring at me, his hazel eyes studying my face. He starts to lean in, and I freak out because holy shit is he going to kiss me? But right as he gets almost an inch away from my face, he stops and says in a low voice, “Girls take forever to get ready, don’t they?”

I press my lips together and let out a breath through my nose, nodding. Kiss him!! I scream at myself, but then, speak of the devil, Cameron comes out of the bathroom, and we both hurriedly jolt away from each other. I feel my pulse trying to get back to a normal pace, watching as Ethan stands up and walks over to her. They’re talking to each other but I can’t hear anything. All I can think about is how we almost just kissed each other.

“Earth to Mason!” Ethan calls out, snapping me back into reality. “Ready to go?”

I nod again, focusing all my energy on not thinking about how we almost kissed.

The three of us head out, walking a little ways away to this club I’ve never been to. Our school isn’t exactly easy to get into, but it’s also not one of the top ivy league colleges, I guess. It’s in the city, and while we have a nice, pretty campus, once you head out of it you’re in the actual city, and there’s a lot to do. I have no idea where we’re going, but Cameron and Ethan lead the way without hesitation. We get to this club where the music is so loud you can hear it from down the street. Outside, we meet up with some of Ethan’s friends.

One leans in and just flat out kisses Ethan on the mouth, just a quick peck, but I still feel a slight pang of jealousy when it happens. Ethan introduces him to me as Matty, one of his closest friends. He seems nice, but it also seems like he has a thing for Ethan, and I wonder…if they’ve slept together. Then there’s another guy whose name I don’t remember, and two girls, Catie and Jules. The one that I notice the most is Jules. She’s gorgeous, with long dark hair and striking eyes, and a really nice body that I can make out through her tight dress. They’re all actually really nice to me, and treat me like I’ve been a part of the group forever. It makes me feel a little calmer.

Ethan tells me he’s not drinking tonight, and I panic a little. I kind of want to, just to help me be a little less nervous. He tells me he had a couple shots at his apartment (so he _was_ drinking. Maybe that’s why he was so flirty), but he’s not going to have anything else. His friends opt to drink, though, and Jules tries to get me to join. It’s part peer pressure, part wanting to just be drunk, and I end up drinking…

A lot. We’re in this weird strip club, and there’s men and women strippers alike. I’m not black out drunk quite yet, and I hear Ethan telling me that there’s the one male stripper here named Cassius who is his favorite. But he says Cassius doesn’t do lap dances or anything, and apparently this makes him really disappointed.

“Are you in love with a stripper, Ethan?” I drunkenly ask over the blaring music, watching as Ethan admires this guy from afar.

“So what if I am?” he yells back with a smile, eyes fixed on Cassius who’s a little ways away, up on this stage pole dancing. After a little while of watching, Ethan turns to me. “Come on,” he says and grabs my arm, “Let’s go dance.”

We have to force our way through this packed crowd, and it’s hot and sweaty and gross but I’m too drunk to care. All I care about is Ethan dancing with me, laughing, pulling me down to make comments in my ear, close enough for me to kiss him. I don’t though. I don’t want to be drunk when I kiss him. I feel so happy that I came out, I feel like I’m in another world.

I don’t know how long we dance for, but eventually we push back out of the crowd and go sit at the bar.

“You know,” I try not to slur, “You hit on me in a bar once, a long time ago.” I have to speak really loudly for him to hear me. He laughs in disbelief and replies, “When? What! I did not.”

“You did!” I exclaim, “But I turned you down. Then…then I saw you at the café, I was like…whaaat!”

He cracks up, and it’s probably because I’m drunk, but I laugh too. “You’re hilarious, May.”

“It happened! I swear! I thought you were really cute, it made my night,” I boast, the music so loud I can feel it in my chest.

“Oh? Do you still think I’m cute now?”

“Yes!” I say excitedly, “Yes I do!”

He starts cracking up again, and I’m too drunk to care that he’s probably only laughing at how drunk I am. He’s beautiful in the flashing lights of the club. He’s always beautiful. And I….am so drunk.

I’m not sure what happens after that point, but I wake up on Ethan’s couch the next day, regretting a lot of my choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ethan and mason are me and my friend's OCs! some art of them can be found on my twitter @_spaceygays or on my instagram @asher813
> 
> thanks for reading about my silly boys! <3
> 
> also: the chapters get pretty short because i dont like to put two perspectives in one chapter;;; sorry!


	10. Chapter 10

_Ethan_

Mason is a fucking riot when he’s drunk. Of course, we’re usually laughing a lot when we’re hanging out together sober, but shit, he’s something else when he’s intoxicated.

“Do you still think I’m cute now?” I ask him. He just told me I apparently hit on him once at a different bar. I feel like it could’ve happened, but he’s drunk, and there are a lot of bars around here… What would be the odds of that?

“Yes! Yes I do!” he exclaims, and I burst into laughter again. He’s killing me! You don’t realize how funny drunk people are until you’re hanging out with them when you’re definitely not drunk. I had a couple shots, but they wore off quickly.

Jules finds us at the bar, her tits about to pop out of this strapless dress she has on. She’s drunk as shit, too, and she asks Mason if he wants to go dance. He doesn’t know what the fuck is going on so he says yeah, and off they go. I tell myself I don’t care. I turn to watch Cassius dance on stage. God damn, he’s honestly the only good-looking stripper here. Maybe I’m biased because I’m practically in love with him (infatuated, whatever). I watch him con money out of men and women alike for what feels like forever.

When it’s time to go, Mason is so out of it. My friends head back to their place, and I have a super drunk Mason on my hands. Cameron leaves to go meet up with the guy she’s been seeing (for a while now!! I think this guy might be the one), and so I have to make sure Mason doesn’t get hit by a car and die as we walk home. My apartment is closer than his dorm, and so I figure I better let him stay.

“This is your house, right?” he slurs out, clinging to the railing of the apartment complex stairs as he tries to ascend up them. “Why does it seems so high up now! I’m afraid of heights.”

I can’t help but keep laughing. I should be pissed that I have to take care of this lightweight, but I’m surprisingly not. “It’s okay, May, we’re almost there.”

“Okay, good,” he says quietly, “Hey, I had so much fun.”

“I know, Mason,” I say through another laugh.

We get inside, and I tell him he can sleep on the couch tonight so he doesn’t have to walk home.

“I don’t wanna intrude…” he says, sounding like Sober Mason when he speaks. “I can go home, I’m okay.”

“Nooooo you’re not,” I grab his arm when he tries to leave, “You’re so not. Look, it’s fine. I don’t care, I just want you to, ya know, not die.”

“Aw thanks,” Drunk Mason is there again, and he starts to unbuckle the belt on his pants.

“What are you doing?” I quickly ask, eyes widening as he starts to undress.

“I can’t sleep in these clothes,” he mumbles, and I sigh, letting him strip down to his boxers.

I don’t know why I’m suddenly so flustered, but I turn away and head to the little closet next to our bathroom and grab him some blankets. I give him one of my pillows and he makes a little bed on the couch and lies down.

I go over to the kitchen and grab a cup out of the cabinet, getting myself some water. I hear him speak from the couch, “I really did have fun with you tonight, Ethan.”

“I had fun too,” I say truthfully, chugging the water down. It hits me then how tired I am. I look at the clock at it’s 3AM. “If you need water I left a cup out for you.”

“Thanks,” he calls back from his mass of blankets on the couch, “Thanks.”

“Goodnight, May.”

“Night, E.”

E. That’s a weird nickname. I shrug it off and head to bed. I fall asleep almost instantly, but wake up in what feels like a couple minutes. When I look at my phone, it’s 5AM. I didn’t drink, but I still feel gross, so I decide to take a 5AM shower. Opening my door, I see Mason sitting at the counter, his head resting on his arm, a cup in his other hand. I approach him slowly, not sure if he’s awake or not.

“Mason?”

He groggily lifts his head, letting out a distressed groan. “Heyy…” he manages, taking a sip of the water. I think he’s still drunk. He _did_ have a lot. I join him at the counter, and he looks absolutely dead. “You okay?” I ask.

“M’fine,” Mason slurs out, then heaves a huge sigh. “Just a little queasy.”

I don’t know what to say. “Water helps.”

“Yeah.”

Why did I sit down?! I’m tired and need to shower. Right as I’m about to get up, he reaches across the counter and takes my hand in his, which startles me a little. He starts rubbing my hand with his thumb, and when I look up at him, he’s staring at our hands. I’m…not sure why…but I can feel my face heating up. He’s groggy and drunk and yet still sexy as hell.

“Thanks for letting me stay,” he finally speaks in this low voice, and I can’t fucking believe that I can feel blood rushing to my dick. “I really like being with you.”

I’m trying to control my breathing as I quietly reply, “I like being with you, too.” He’s still stroking the top my hand, tired blue eyes still staring at it.

“I mean… I _really_ like being with you. I feel good when we’re together, ya know..?”

“Mason, you’re drunk.”

“It’s still true…”

What the fuck is going on?! He’s silent then, spending a few more long seconds holding my hand. When he lets go, I hurriedly stand, but he’s too out of it to notice my urgency. “I’m gonna shower,” I quickly say, “Goodnight, Mason, don’t stay up too long.”

“Mm,” his head goes back down into his arm.

I retreat to the bathroom, letting out a breath I’d felt like I’d been holding in forever. What the hell was that? And why am I hard? I try to ignore it, hoping the shower will make it go away. But when I stand under the warm water and close my eyes, I can’t stop thinking about touching him, kissing him, sleeping with him. Before I know it, my hand’s around my dick and moving fast. I don’t know why this is happening to me. I’ve liked people before, but it was baseless, meaningless, never acted upon other than sleeping with them. Now this guy comes into my life, and I like him, I really like him, I want to kiss him, and I can’t because I’m scared, I’m scared I’ll ruin everything. Like I always do.

I come, letting out a shaky breath as I do so. God dammit. God _dammit_. After I finish actually showering, I brush my teeth and take forever to leave the bathroom, nervous he might still be awake sitting at the table. When I finally head out, I see him asleep on the couch, breathing softly and slowly. I feel like I imagined everything that just happened.

No, no. It was definitely real. Luckily, I fall asleep quickly again and don’t have to worry about being up all night thinking about what happened.

In the morning, I find Mason sitting on the couch, head leaning back and staring at the ceiling. He quickly looks to me when I walk out, and almost instantly starts apologizing.

“I’m so, so sorry I got so drunk, I don’t remember a lot of what happened and if I got weird I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean it—“

“Mason!” I cut him off, offering a smile, “It’s okay! How are you feeling?” I don’t bring up what happened.

“Shitty,” he admits, rubbing the back of his head. “Feels like I got run over by a bus.”

“Well, don’t worry. I walked you here so that wouldn’t happen,” I try to joke to lighten the mood. It works as a smile breaks out across his face.

“I’m such a lightweight,” he rubs his face with both hands, leaning back on the couch.

I grin at him. “Yeah, you really are. It was great.”

“Did I totally blow it or am I still invited to go out with you guys next time?”

A small huff of laughter escapes me. “Of course you are.”

He genuinely smiles, seemingly relieved. “Awesome.”

I make him get off the couch and come help me make breakfast. Fortunately, it’s comfortable. I think about what he said last night. He really likes me. I’m not sure if it was meaningful or not, but I try not to let myself stress over it. It’ll be okay.

I hope.

\-- 

_Ethan: you left your belt at my apartment_

_Mason: god dangit_

_Ethan: u cant have it back im keeping it as a reward for taking care of ur drunk ass_

_Mason: stop ))))): youre gonna make me feel bad_

_Ethan: >:)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ethan and mason are me and my friend's OCs! some art of them can be found on my twitter @_spaceygays or on my instagram @asher813
> 
> thanks for reading about my silly boys! <3
> 
> also: the chapters get pretty short because i dont like to put two perspectives in one chapter;;; sorry!


	11. Chapter 11

_Mason_

"Dude, it's not a big deal."

"It's a huge deal! I'm freaking the fuck out!"

It's the end of the semester. And I have like, 3 billion projects due. Ethan's sitting on my dorm room bed while I'm on the floor, paintings scattered around me. "The end of semester portfolio is the biggest thing, like, ever."

"No shit," Ethan laughs, "I have to do that, too."

I sigh, exasperated, flipping through piece after piece. "But, everything you make is _good._ "

"And everything _you_ make is good, May! Here," Ethan hops off the bed, finding a spot on the floor next to me, "I'll pick which ones to put in. Go, go sit on the bed!"

With a huff, I go and do as he says, plopping on my bed, watching him. He shakes his head at me. "No, you're not watching."

"Why!"

"Because I'll never get through this. Take a nap or something," Ethan laughs, beginning to sift through canvas after canvas. Another huff, and he just laughs at me. "You're such a baby, dude."

I try to distract myself on my phone for a little while, until I _do_ end up dozing off. I'm startled awake by Ethan jumping on my bed. "Done! Let's go out! Let's go out!"

I pull the pillow out from underneath me and whack him with it. "You scared the fuck outta me!" I groan, pulling my second pillow over my head as he continues bouncing. 

I give into his annoyingness, rolling out of bed to look at the pieces he decided would be best. A good selection of portraits, landscapes, still-lifes... "I guess..this would work." I don't have the energy or will to try and dispute his choices.

"You're welcome. Now come on, it's party time," he chimes, calling up some friends on his phone. We both sit on my bed. I feel...good inside. Ethan's really been there for me. Even through shit times, he's always the one there for me. I really don't know why he always helps me out, but I learn not to question it. It's good to have a true friend for once.

Speaking of friends...Alicia and I haven't spoken in a while. After we fought about Ethan, I haven't had much desire to talk to her, but she wants to meet and talk about things tonight.

Shit. Tonight.

"E," I say, but he's still on the phone. He looks over at me with questioning eyes, and I mouth "I need to talk to you."

He finishes up his conversation, hangs up, and looks at me disappointed. "I forgot, everyone is out of town but Jules and she's busy all weekend."

I sigh. "Doesn't matter. I forgot I have to talk to Alicia tonight."

He rolls those hazel eyes at me dramatically, and I can't help but laugh, questioning, "What!"

"Nothing," he hums, pretending he's doing something really important on his phone. He always does that when he's annoyed with me.

"Ethan..."

"It's fine, May. I guess I'll hang out with Baby all by myself..." he lets out the most exaggerated sigh ever and it's my turn to roll my eyes. We both laugh. 

Ethan is so fucking cute. 

"Let me know what happens. You know I love drama," Ethan smirks and gathers his things, "Text you later, May."

"'Kay, see ya."

I try to close my eyes for a few moments. Alicia said she'd call me when she was heading over. All I can think about is how I'd rather be with Ethan, even if it was just us sitting on his floor playing with his bird. Even if it was just us on the couch on our phones. Ethan's presence was just...comforting. It feels better when I'm with him.

I lie here and wait.

And wait.

_....and wait..._

I text her. 

Nothing.

I call her.

Straight to voicemail.

"What the shit, Alicia?" I angrily mumble to myself.

Then I check Snapchat.

You have got to be kidding me. She's out. At a fucking party. And I've been sitting here by myself, waiting for her to show up so we could fucking "talk." I am pissed. I am beyond pissed. I decide to text her instead.

_Thanks for wasting my fucking time_

I hit send. My heart is beating so fast and my hands are shaking. I've never been this mad at her before. She's the one that started shit, she's the one that begged me to talk to her tonight. And she blew me off. I feel tears of frustration form in my eyes. Why do I keep putting myself in these messes?

I call Ethan now, hoping he's not asleep or out already.

"How'd it go?"

"What are you doing right now?" I cut him off.

"Whoa, sounds not good."

"She fucking blew me off, Ethan," my voice is trembling and I try not to cry, "I give her so many fucking chances, dude. I'm done. I'm fucking done with this."

He's quiet for a moment before I hear him speak again. "Meet me at my place. I wanna take you somewhere."

I don't even question it. I agree and meet him as fast as I can.


	12. Chapter 12

_Ethan_

I'm standing at the bottom of the steps to my apartment, mindlessly checking my phone as I wait for Mason to show up. He hasn't told me what happened yet, but I can guess. Seriously, why does he keep giving Alicia more and more chances? She does this to him all the time, and he always tries to make nice with her every. Single. Time.

I'm tapping through Snapchat stories when I hear someone approaching. When I glance up, it's May, and I get this weird feeling in my chest when I meet his eyes. He's got his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets, and his hair is a mess because of the wind. 

"Hey," I say with a smile. 

"Hey, Ethan," he sighs out, and I can tell he's upset. He stops in front of me and let's out another deep breath through his nose. "You look nice."

I usually would have some clever retort, but his compliment throws me off guard for some reason. I've got on a striped shirt with a black leather jacket and just some plain skinny jeans and boots. My hair is hurriedly fixed because I was about to fall asleep when Mason called me. 

I collect my thoughts and thank him, saying, "Not so bad yourself."

There's this weird, silent stare we exchange for a few moments, like one of us wants to say, or do, something, but neither of us move. I finally break the silence. "So ya know how Jules was busy? It's cuz she's got this thing going on. I didn't know if I wanted to go but I think you'd like it."

"What kinda thing?" he asks as we start walking. 

"You'll see," I grin, "Okay, so hey, tell me what happened!"

Mason groans and yells out, "Alicia's a fucking bitch, that's what!"

I can't help but laugh out loud, and he does a bit too. He's never called her a bitch, at least not out loud. He must be really mad. "Seriously, though, she blew me off! She's out at a party and she didn't tell me. She asked _me_ to talk, and she blows me off!" I've never heard him so angry before. "She asked me to talk, Ethan! It was her idea!"

"She's a cunt, what did you expect," I state simply, shrugging. I don't use that word loosely, but I feel like Alicia deserves it. 

He lets out anther frustrated groan and I let him vent. "I try! I try really hard, E!" I smile to myself when he calls me E. "I give her chance after chance. And what do I get in return? Nothing. She treats me like shit and I'm sick of it." Mason rambles on about her for a few more minutes and I just listen. I know he just wants someone to listen. When he's done, he takes a shaky breath. "I don't...wanna talk about her anymore."

"You got it," I affirm, looking down at my phone GPS to see if I'm going the right way. "We're almost there."

There's another silence upon us until Mason speaks up again. "Dude, I was so scared you were asleep," he laughs softly.

I look over at him as I grin and reply, "I almost was. Can't you tell by how shit my hair is?"

"I think it always looks nice," he says in a gentle tone. Why is he being so, like... _sweet?_ I don't mind the compliments, though.

"You're gay," I tease him, and he reaches over and ruffles my hair. 

"There, now it looks like shit."

"Fuck you."

We're both laughing and talking and walking along the sidewalk of the little downtown scene until we find ourselves in line outside of this building. I can already see the lights. Damn, Jules. 

"What's this for?" Mason asks, "Is this.."

"An art installment."

"What?! Whose?" His eyes are wide as he gets excited. "Wait...Jules?!"

"Yes! It's all weekend, I was gonna ask if you wanted to go tomorrow night, but I thought it'd be better to go now," I shrug like its no big deal, but I know he's excited. "It's some, like, neon hotel sorta thing."

Mason's eyes are lit with happiness and the neon lights that light up the outside of the building. There's rope lights all lined around the windows and door frame. When we get up further in line we see that the doorway has stairs with more neon lights going up the railing. They let a couple people go in at a time, and when it's our turn, Mason walks up the stairs slowly, admiring the paintings framed with neon lights that decorate the walls on the way up. 

At the top of the stairs is a room that looks like a hotel room...with more neon lights of different colors decorating various different pieces of furniture. I'm too focused on Mason to really admire the installment. He looks like a kid in a candy store, the lights making the whole room softly glow. There's more framed photographs and paintings, and Mason stares at each one forever. 

A wave of weird emotion hits me as I watch him. He's so happy. He looks over at me and gives me the biggest smile ever. 

"Thank you," he says. There's music playing in the room but I hear him say it. "Thank you, Ethan."

I smile back.


	13. Chapter 13

_Mason_

Ethan and I are having a fucking blast. After we left Jules' amazing installation show, we went on a walk. The whole time we just made shitty jokes and snapchatted dumb shit and laughed like no one could hear us. We ended up going to some little 24-hour diner afterwards, and we were the only two there. I think Alicia blowing me off was the best thing that could've happened.

By the time we get back to Ethan's apartment, it's already 3AM. I walk him up the steps to his door, and as he's fumbling for his keys he asks, "You wanna stay the night?"

I'm about to say sure when I remember that my parents are coming early tomorrow morning to help bring some stuff home for the winter break. God fucking dammit. "I can't... My parents are gonna be at my dorm at like 8AM..." I don't know why I feel so disappointed, but it sucks.

Ethan looks pretty bummed, too. "Ah fuck," he sighs, unlocking his door and turning to face me. "I hope you had fun, at least. He gives me the cutest smile. 

"I had so much fun," I insist, "You seriously made my night so much better. Thank you."

Another silence falls on us, and I wonder what I should do. My heart is beating so fast I can feel it. Finally, Ethan breaks the silence like usual. "Well...um, goodnight."

Dammit. "Yea, goodnight." God dammit. 

Ethan shuts the door and I let out a breath I'd been holding in for I don't know how long. There's a weird feeling of disappointment setting into my chest. I turn and walk over to the steps to head home. Then turn back around and walk to his door again. 

...and then turn back to the steps. 

I take a shaky breath, then turn one more time, practically running up to Ethan's door. I knock earnestly until he answers, giving me a confused look and a "What's--"

I grab his shoulders. And without any hesitation I kiss him, hard on the mouth. I hear him inhale through his nose, feel him tense up, then feel him kiss me back. Once, twice, three times. I lose count. We kiss each other over and over until I finally pull away, still close to his face. He giggles. I do too, admitting in a whisper, "You don't know how long I've wanted to do that."

"Me too," he says, beaming. "Sure you can't stay?"

"I wish I could."

He kisses me one more time, and then steps back. "Well then get out of here before I jump your bones." 

I can't help but laugh. "Goodnight. Again."

"Night, May." 

As I walk home, all I can think about was how much I wish my parents weren't coming and how good his lips felt on mine.


	14. Chapter 14

_Mason: brb gonna die bc my mom found all my condoms while trying to pack some clothes and she doesn't kno I have sex_

_Ethan: brb gonna die cuz I kissed a 12 yr old_

_Mason: honestly fuck you_

_Ethan: ;))))))_

\--

_Ethan_

It's been about a week since Mason and I first kissed, and we haven't since. Not because we don't want to, but because...I think he's nervous? Whenever we hang out there's just really no opportunity. And don't get me wrong--kissing is not the only reason I like being around Mason. But it's been on my mind for a while and I can't stop thinking about it. And that pisses me off, because I've never fucking done this. It scares me almost. I don't like getting attached. But for some reason I can't help it.

I do my best to ignore that emotional aspect of it and worry about the physical part. Like kissing and how we haven't been doing it. 

We really haven't gotten to hang out much either. The semester is ending and that means final projects are due. All I wanna do is go home, but I have so much shit I need to get done. I feel like I've gotten enough done tonight, though, so I text May and ask him to come over. 

It's like 11PM but it's the last Saturday before finals week, and I wanna do something. Okay, I can't really drink. My doctor upped my med dosage and told me I need to stop alcohol consumption, so no more piss-drunk nights for me. Cam is going out and I just don't wanna be around drunk people tonight. 

Finally, Mason replies. He's on his way over. Thank fuckin' God because I need some human interaction. I take a shower as he walks over, then change into sweats and a black t-shirt. I look like trash but I don't give a shit at the moment. 

I'm laughing at stupid Vines on the couch when Mason walks in, shivering from the chilly fall air. I can't help but feel excited when he comes in, and I quickly sit up and greet him. 

"Freaking cold," he whines, taking off his jacket. He's in gray sweats and a white t-shirt with a logo on it for a high school swim team. Must be an old shirt. He looks damn good, though. "Hey, I'm sleeping over."

My heart jumps a little. I try to think of something clever to say but all that comes out is an earnest, "That's fine."

He walks over and plops down next to me on the couch, letting out a big sigh as he lands. "Where's Cam?"

"Partying and getting drunk, lucky bitch," I moan, turning my attention back to my phone, mindlessly switching back and forth between different apps.

There's a silence until I hear May say, "I've never seen you without your hair done."

I glance over at him now, but the only thing I say is, "Shut up."

"Why? You look cute."

"...shut up."

He laughs at me, and then starts rambling on about finals. I watch him talk, noticing he hasn't shaved and has some stubble. That's fucking hot. I've never seen him..not...clean shaven. I can't even focus on what he's saying. I feel bad that I'm spacing out but I can't help it. He notices me watching him.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" he asks quietly, and I can't..I can't fucking help it. I set my phone down, scooting closer to him. I put my hand on the side of his neck, my thumb stroking his jawline, feeling his stubble, and watch blue eyes go from my mouth to my own eyes. 

Slowly, I lean in and kiss him, feeling warm breath as he exhales through his nose. He kisses me back, gently at first, then a bit more confident. God, he's so fucking sexy. We kiss a few more moments longer before I pull away, just barely, and he's got a lusty look in his eyes, staring directly into mine. 

Before I know what's happening, he leans forward now, moving me back down into the couch. I'm lying down now, staring up at him as he hovers over me. I can't breathe as he touches my face, his thumb running over my lips. Oh, the shit I wanna do to him... He leans down and kisses me harder this time, and I reach up to grab his face, pulling him into me. I'm making out with Mason. I'm really making out with Mason right now. It's not long before the kisses get sloppier, and I feel the warmth of his tongue against my own. I wasn't planning on this happening tonight, but dammit I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping. 

We kiss for I don't know how long. I've never wanted to kiss someone this badly before. I can't get enough. He kisses my jaw and my neck, my hands are clutching his hair, pulling him closer. 

And we just about shit ourselves when the door opens. Mason jolts up so fast that he practically falls off the couch. 

"Ethan, Mason, what's up!" Cam says as he walks in, on the phone. We say hi, both stupidly hard, but she's on the phone and it's dark, and she either doesn't notice or she doesn't care. 

When she walks over to the kitchen, still talking away, Mason looks and me and breaks out into giggles. 

"I think I just had a minor heart attack," he says through his laughter. I can't help but laugh, too. This is so weird. But in a good way.

"I didn't think she'd be home this early..." I hum, then grab my phone. Mason got here at 11:30 and its... "1AM?! Holy shit?!"

"No way," Mason digs his own phone out of his pocket. We look at each other and realize we'd be making out for almost an hour. Mason tries to adjust his clothed boner to make it less noticeable and I can't help it, I burst into laughter. And he doesn't even question it, he laughs too. And yeah, we just got cock blocked. 

But...I'm happy. I'm stupidly happy. It's weird. 

I think I like it.


End file.
